Tooth Fairy Chronicles Vol. III


While baseball dominates my interest for most of the summer, this particular time of the year my attention is turned to my second favorite human sport of hockey.  Truth be told, I didn’t initially have much interest in the sport itself and the only game I have ever graced with my presence was the 2010 Camp Randall classic at the University of Wisconsin.  I froze my wingtips off to see it but, come on, they played on the football field… how cool is that? 

My interest in hockey started as strictly business because, as you may not know, I was one of the earliest commissioners of the NHL back in 1924 when they expanded to the United States.  While people were pretty good at letting their teeth fall out all on their own back then, I was fast becoming as ambitious as the rest of the nation in the stock market, and I constantly needed more profit.  See back during the Woodrow Wilson era, people paid ME to collect their teeth instead of the other way around, so I was always looking to expand my client base.  And those hockey guys sure lose a lot of their pearly whites.  Unfortunate for them, fortunate for me.  Being the aforementioned ambitious investor I was, I fought tooth and nail to bring the first NHL team to the U.S. in the Boston Bruins (which I know Hickory Crawdads Media Relations Assistant Jeff Dunlap thanks me for every night before he goes to bed).    

Anyway, this year’s Stanley Cup playoffs have gotten pretty heated and only three teams remain.  The LA Kings are already in the finals and the New Jersey Devils and New York Rangers are tied at two games apiece.  It’s true I no longer get paid for my services, which is unfortunate because according to my good friend Dr. Ross Penland at Growing Smiles, the number of cavities in the average mouth is down and people are keeping their teeth longer.   People, on average, have healthier mouths than even 10 years ago.  But I still like to at least keep up with the sport I helped bring to America.  This year, my money’s on the Rangers.  Not to win it all.  I meant literally; they’re missing the most teeth.

This is the Tooth Fairy’s 1st year with the Crawdads.  Although he works nonstop, around the clock for most of the year, in his free time he enjoys baking, eating, and throwing pies, playing NBA Jam, and flossing.

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